Institutionalised

I know it's been a while, I've been lazy with logging lately, mainly because i've been soo busy.. Also because due to insomnia, I dreamed too vividly, and some were just too personal to share. That said.. here's the latest bundle of crazy from yours truly.

6th September, 2011
“No” I screamed as the two men on either side of me started pulling my backwards. I grabbed onto the door and held. “Let me go” I screamed I looked at a boy sitting in a chair waiting.. he didn’t get up or do anything. “Help me” I screamed at him, but he didn’t’ seem to hear. The taller man began to pry my fingers from the wooden pane. I kicked hard and I felt the second one drop me slightly. Kicking again I lunged forward and headed back out of the door way to where my parents were. I started running towards them as a doctor began to lead them outside. “You can’t leave me here” I screamed at the top of my lungs as two large, rough hands grabbed my shoulders and jerked me back. They pulled me back and lifted me off the ground. The larger of the two men had both arms around my legs so I couldn’t kick, despite how much I was trying to get away. The other man had his arms on my shoulders, carrying me down a small dark hallway. I saw the doors passing by me and it seemed to go on for a long time. Finally the guy holding my legs pushed open a set of double doors and we entered into a large room. We went across the room, I noticed a few girls seating at separate tables doing their own thing. He took me into a room and placed me on a bed. The bed was cold and I could feel the steel spring mattress in my back. I remember feeling tired as the metal door closed behind me. I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning. The door was swung open and I could see the sunlight streaming through the windows into the room. I noticed right away that there were no sheets on the bed or a pillow. I looked through the bars of the window into a grey fog that seemed to cover everything except for the sun. It seemed odd to me to look out into nothing but grey so I turned and headed into the hallway. The hallway ran in both directions and seemed cold and dark. My feet were cold against the cement floors which felt like ice. I was beginning to wonder where my shoes were. I looked downwards and wondered where my jeans were and why I was dressed in pants with no zips or buttons, and a t shirt with a loose collar. I headed back down the hallway to the main room. All the girls were still sitting at separate desks. I walked past each of them. One of the girls was sketching trees on the table, the next girl was holding a sketch book, staring at a blank page. The last girl was staring out into the grey mist, her arms wrapped around her, even though it wasn't cold. I wondered if it was a comfort thing she was looking for, but I could not tell. I sat at the desk at the far end and watched the lady in the nurses’ station. She had the radio on slightly; I could hear the chatter in the background. She chewed on her gum and continued typing methodically on the keyboard to her computer. Ignoring her I turned to look at the two big men in white standing by the doors. They seemed to just be watching and waiting. I felt a hand on my arm and turned to the doctor who had asked my parents to leave. "How are you feeling today?" he asked me. I blinked at him and turned my attention back to the girls in the room. "You’re never going to get anywhere if you don't talk to me". I turned to him, knowing my eyes flashed anger as I tried to suppress the bad feelings I was having. I sighed and got up. He grabbed my hand and yanked me downwards back onto the seat. "you're not going anywhere until you talk to me". I sat down and stared blankly ahead. Eventually he gave up and walked away. One of the girls walked up and over to a phone that I hadn't noticed before. She began dialling numbers, too many to be a phone number then screaming into the other end. I blocked my ears with my hands to drown out the noise of her screaming. The other girls seemed to respond to it, getting up and slamming their fists on the doors and the window, whatever was closest to them. It wasn't long before the nurse and the guards came over, dragging the girls to their respective rooms. I walked over to the phone and picked up the receiver. I placed the receiver to my ear and listened. I could make out the sound of a faint click and a tone which seemed to just go on. The doctor appeared behind me again. “What do you think you’re doing?” I slammed the phone back into the cradle and yelled that I wanted to go home, that I didn’t belong here. “but you do, he said, otherwise they wouldn’t have left you here. Otherwise they would have taken you home, but it was their idea”. You’re lying I screamed at him. He smiled a wry smile and handed me a piece of paper. I browsed over it and it had been signed by my parents to commit me until it was deemed I was ready to return to normal society. I lunged at the doctor, hitting him with my fists and kicking hard with my feet. The two guys in white came over and grabbed me, pulling me back as I continued to fight my way to hit him “ That’s right, keep going love, prove just how insane you really are” He said. The dragged me back into the room and slammed the door closed, locking it behind them. I banged on the door with my fists until they bleed. The pain becoming a throbbing sensation and I stood there staring at the door until I was too tired to any longer. I moved to the bed, sat down and stared out into the grey mist.
Sometime later I heard a key slide into the door and the door swung open. The girl with the phone was standing there, her black hair in a mess of knots and tangles across her shoulders. She held out her hand and wearily I got off the bed and walked over to her. She motioned for me to be quiet and we tip toed out into the dark hallway. There was no one around as she led me to the phone. She picked it up and handed it to me. I put the phone to my ear and pressed the buttons to call home. The phone rang, and rang. On the other end I heard my mother’s voice say hello. I started talking asking her why she put me there and when I could leave. I could her try to say things but her voice kept cutting out until there was nothing. I screamed into the phone to be let out of there. I screamed and screamed until tears were running down my face from being so defenceless. I dropped to my knees still clutching the receiver of the phone. The girl patted me on the head and helped me up. She pulled out a set of keys and pointed to the main door. She dragged me to my feet and towards the door where the other girls were waiting patiently. She had a look of determination on her face as she turned the key in the lock. Nothing happened. She tried another key, again nothing happened. Frustrated she dropped the keys and couldn’t remember which one she had used before. I looked around the room anxiously, watching the shadows dance across the tables, hitting the sketch book. I felt tempted to go and pick it up, however I heard the door click and she smiled at me. She pushed the door open as an alarm went blaring through the room. She grabbed my hand and ran towards the next door. Again the first few keys wouldn’t work. Hurry I yelled at her, seeing the two men at the end of the hall heading towards us. Finally she found a key that worked and pushed the door out into the garden. The garden was filled with a foggy hue as we ran towards the gates which we could just make out in the distance.  Climbing over the gate I felt my arm snag on something sharp, I winced but kept going knowing this might be my only chance.

We found ourselves on a road running up a hill. I knew that if we made it over the hill we would be on the home stretch and be free. We ran faster and faster but the hill seemed to get steeper and stepper. The girl sketching on the desk fell behind, and I noticed a strange blue flash of light. Then I noticed a different look in her eye as she ran after us. I wasn’t sure what the look was so I continued running. The girl grabbed the girl who had been staring out the window by the food and dragged her into the fog. There was another flash of light and then both of them, wearing similar expressions seemed to start running after us, a look of determination on their faces. The incline again seemed to get steeper to the point where I was climbing up the tar road using my hands to lever me up. I felt that if I let go, even for a second, I would fall downwards. I looked back to see the two girls, the men, the doctor and the nurse from the hospital chasing after us. They seemed to be holding long rifle like objects which were hard to make out. I finally reached the top, my arm was aching and my nails were bleeding from the rock surface. The other girl had disappeared entirely as I ran down onto the main road. The main road itself was deserted. There were no cars, no houses, nothing but an ongoing road that didn’t seem to end. One of the girls shot a slim spear at me. It hit me hard in the arm as I ran towards the houses I could see. Again she shot more and more at me, I watched as they embedded themselves onto the pillar of the porch I had reached. I ducked down, hiding behind it, hoping to find something I could use against her. I could feel them approaching as I dove behind the seat that was hanging on the porch. I scrambled my way to the back of the house, testing all the windows and doors, trying to find a way in to escape them. Everything was locked. I climbed over the fence and started towards the next house, again a bunch of thing toothpick like spears embedded themselves onto the wooden pain. I tried another window; it wouldn’t open so I picked up a pot by the side of me and slammed through the window. I climbed through, cutting my hand on the glass. I landed on my back, hard on the floor by the window.

 Then I noticed I was lying on a steal bed, with a thin mattress. I turned my head to see the doctor standing there. He swore and said “put her back... give her a nice ending, hurry”. I could see the nurse standing by a machine. She started typing furiously as I tried to lift my arm. I noticed restraints on my arm and the taller man in white standing at the end of my bed, his arms folded. “Hurry up the doctor repeated’. I looked out the window; the grey fog was rolling in over an old dead tree. I blinked and I was standing in a small room. The window behind me was broken. I looked outside, there was no one there. I walked into the hallway and followed it to a set of double wooden doors. I pulled it opened and stepped in another hallway, lit with lights. The girls were standing there, all smiling. I shook my head, knowing this wasn’t real, but somehow the pull of it was strong. The girls were all laughing and wearing cocktail dresses. They had a glass of champagne in their hands and were talking to people I didn’t recognise. I headed down and felt a tap on my shoulder. My parents stood there smiling and handed me a book. They told me someone was waiting for me in the other room. I walked into the other room which was darker except for the gentle hue of a light in the corner. There was a desk set up on the far side of the room and a boy sitting there, his head bent down scribbling on a piece of paper. I smiled and walked up there, putting the book on the desk I asked for a signature. The guy didn’t look up. He simply said “who do I make it out to”. I held back a laugh and said “how about to Kerri?” He looked up and it was the same boy from the room before. A look of shock and relief went through his eyes as he walked around the table and threw his arms around me in a hug. “We’ve been looking for you everywhere, where have you been?” He put his arm around my waist as we walked out into the main room. Everyone was gathered around and talking, saying that we had made it. I couldn’t shake the feeling something wasn’t right. I looked to the corner of the room and saw the doctor standing in the shadows. He stood there, and just watched. The sight of him sent a chill through my body. I turned to the boy; he leaned over, whispered to me and said, “You’re still in the room. It’s not over yet’. Then I woke up.

Blood and Blindness

I know it's been a while since I update, and I have a huge back log of dreams to type up... which won't get done. I've just been too busy between being in Melbourne and working wayyy too often. Anyways this morning I woke up from a dream that I had to type up.

6th July 2011: Blood and Blindness

I was sitting in my parents car. We were driving along the road, and the traffic on the road was terrible. We were trying to get to my doctors house (which realistically isn't a house, it's a surgery up the road from my house, but in the dream seemed very far away). My dad swore at the traffic and told me we weren't going to turn off at the usual turn, instead we were going to go up, and then down the secondary street, since the traffic there was usually a lot quieter and hopefully, wouldn't have traffic. As we sat in the car, waiting for the traffic to move and crawling along the way, the topic of blood type came up. I asked my parents if they knew what mine was, but they had no idea, since they were both different from one another. I decided when we got to the doctors, I was going to ask to have it done. As we drove along, I noticed the car behind us, looked exactly like our one. Turning my head, so I was facing the rear of the car, I looked into the second one, and noticed that the car was identical to ours... and so were the people in it. I lifted my hand to wave, and so did the duplicate of me. Weird I thought. My dad made a sharp turn, and stopped outside of the doctors. He told me to go in, get what was done and meet them later.

I walked into my doctor's house, which seemed darker and yet cleaner than before. She had me lay back on a bed as she grabbed a needle. She told me this would be quick, and she'd send my blood away to determine my blood type. I felt a prick as I closed my eyes, and then it was over. She did this several times, each time, putting the needle in a different spot on my arm. When I opened my eyes, she was holding up the container, a strange look on her face. I looked at the vials, and the blood seemed too watery, almost like diluted cordial. She said that didn't look right, and then started mention blood type C, and then C05 whatever that meant. She said she'd try it again, only this time she'd go slower. She positioned the needle, again I felt a prick and then a sucking sensation. This time the vial appeared to be filled with blood, which she quickly sealed and put into an envelope. She told me to get up, and the room spun a little. Blood continued to fall down my arm, and I looked around confused. She handed me a bandaid and told me I had to go. I quickly put the bandaid on my arm so it wouldn't stain my white shirt, and placed my envelope on the mantel with the other letters. As I turned the door handle, standing in front of me, was the duplicate me. She had a strange smile on her face, as she pushed me hard.

I landed hard on the ground, in a place I had never seen before. There was a horse standing next to me, which told me to quickly get on if I ever wanted to go home. I climbed onto the horse and it began to ride, searching for something, which I couldn't see. I noticed that most things appeared to be a blur to me, except the horse, and the horse walked slowly along the ground, as if careful not to trip on anything. I kept looking for something, barely making out shapes amongst the red and brown hue that seemed to surround this place. The place it self felt heavy and I remember being disgusted by the smell. We approached a place that seemed to be even more barren than where we were standing. There was small traces of water lining bits, and I noticed a distinctive silver glare over some of it, and the movement of something large. "Basilisk" the horse sent to my mind. "We shouldn't go this way" it sent. I had a feeling we had to, and I urged the horse forward, instruction it not to step on any of the water, and to keep it's eyes forward or towards the sky. I stared forward, attempting to avoid looking at the movement which caught my peripheral vision. I could feel something close, when the horse stopped moving. I urged it forward. Nothing. I looked down and the horse appeared glass like under me. I climbed down, and touched it. It was cold and lifeless. All of a sudden a tail came out of no where and shattered the horse into pieces in front of me. I turned to run, trying not to fall into the small pools of water which seemed to be littered everywhere. I could feel things moving around me, and then I felt something large pass under the ground beneath me. I threw myself against a large rock, covering my eyes, as I felt bits of rock fall against me. I felt myself being hurled through the air, and my back smacked hard into what I imagined to be another rock surface. I turned, my hands grabbed at the rock and I began to climb up it, hoping to get away from whatever was underneath. Again I felt myself being tossed like a rag doll, this time landing on a flat piece of rock. I opened my eyes, and climbed up the larger bit of rock. I could feel something watching me. When I finally got to the top, I could see a dull shape coming up on my left. I closed my eyes and held on. In  the distance I heard a yell, and the sound of a gun. I opened my eyes in that direction and saw a guy running towards me. He held a gun in his hand which he shot sporadically in the air to scare the creature off. He got to the rock and climbed up towards me. The creature appeared right behind him. I stupidly looked at it, and felt my feet slowly start to turn into glass. Unable to look away, I watched as the creature grabbed at the man. Instead of screaming, the guy put his hands over the cloth to block light and offered a trade. The basilisk stopped. The glass was up to my thighs at this stage and it too stopped moving upwards. The basilisk and the man appeared to talk, and then, the guy removed the cloth from his eyes. The basilisk then proceeded to pull his eyes out slowly. The guy screamed and on completion of the removal of both eyes, dropped him on the top of the rock alongside me. The glass around me shattered, and my legs were back. I ran over to the guy, who'd put the cloth over his empty sockets. The creature dove through the rock floor, and disappeared. I helped the guy up, who smiled and said, "good thing this is a dream huh?" and I said I guess. He pointed to the horizon and asked me what I saw. The sky was red and both the moon and sun were out, sitting along the top of the water. I described it to him, and he smiled saying he wish he could see it. I asked if they hurt, he said a bit, but it would be over. I asked what next? And he turned to face me and said "Let's hope that bitch of yours doesn't come back, because we're both blind, we don't have a horse, and I guarantee that Basilisk will be back". Then I woke up to the sound of my alarm.